Thursday, 30 September 2010
So who will win this year...let us find out!
1) Get the party started
This was one of the most fascinating and steadfast rules of SCD, dance first in the opening show and you will make it to the final. Unfortunately last year managed to ruin that! Whilst the blame cannot be entirely placed on Rav Wilding or Natalie Cassidy it has made me a bit grumpy for the rest of the year. The dance first formula even worked on Let's Dance for Comic Relief BOTH years! So whoever dances first this year, I have my eye on you...
2) Quit your day job
Another variable that needs a bit of fine tuning...it shall now be known as 'Quit your day job, unless you are a BBC newsreader'. Since Natasha and Chris are the only two to win the show whilst doing a day job there must be something super-steely and hardworking about those who hang out in the BBC newsroom. Now Scott Malsen, you may think auntie beeb is doing you a favour shifting your filming around, but I think Jack Branning needs to take a few weeks off from Albert Square if you're gonna go all the way!
3) Blondes don't have more fun
Yet again last year the blonde was pipped to the post, hot favourite and blonde Ali Bastion does not make the final *tear*sob*sigh*, in fact she came third, as did Emma Bunton and Zoe Ball. Spooky? No, it's spangly scientific fact. Plus one of our favourite blonde pro dancers Katya has gone to brunette this year, she knows what she's doing! As for this year's people, Tina, Felicity, Pamela and Patsy had better consider a trip to the hairdressers before the semi-finals!
4) Latin Fever
Our darling Ola kept up the tradition of latin experts winning the show last year, so what chance do Anton, Erin and Natalie stand? Well, as Clover would say, Erin and Natalie will be trapped in a Bond Girl-style battle of wills all series so that will be quite distracting for them. Anton on the other hand...well if anyone wants to see Ann Widdecombe do the Argentine Tango and a spectacular showdance get voting tomorrow night!
5) Embrace the sparkle!
Ah my favourite of all variables, getting down to some serious sparkle! As a celeb you are used to a glamorous lifestyle but when it comes to SCD you aint seen nothing yet. Lock yourself in the fake tan booth, wear so many crystals you're too heavy to walk and dance down the street because you've got to give it your all! Chris had the time of his life last year and emerged the colour of a Christmas satsuma...speaking of satsumas (satsumi?) Gavin Henson is already pretty orange, but also looks quite bewildered so needs to embrace the sparkle. Others like Pamela and Jimi already seem to be totally getting into it, so bring it on!
So with a few tweaks the winning formula now looks like this...
(Try to) dance first - day job (unless BBC news-bod) + brunette x latin pro + sparkle = VICTORY!
See you on the dancefloor...
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Here we start with Aliona's opening number frock from last year, just in case you were wondering it is held together with two bits of sparkly dental floss at the back!
Next I had a right old giggle at Joe Calzaghe's Eye-of-the-Tiger-what-the-bejibbens-is-going-on-here paso outfit! The welsh dragon detailing was great, can't believe someone went to the effort of making all that! I also went to the effort of going inside the studios like a stalker loon to get a photo of the back of the Calzaghe cape for you all. I had to say 'excuse me' in my politest voice to an old man sitting on a chair next to it and everything.
Hitting me with shocks along the line, we then come to Louisa's jive dress! The jive dress, in all it's lime green spangly glory! *sigh* what happy memories. At this point a random man came by and decided to have a look at the dresses near me, I was tempted to shout "These are historical artifacts to me!" but I thankfully restrained myself.
And THEN came the one and only Ramps' salsa shirt! The shirt that caught on the microphone, but we won't hold that against it. By the looks of it Ramps has very broad shoulders, pwhoar.
Next up in the pleasant surprises is Rachel's' rumba dress, again the detailing in this thing that you might not have noticed on the show is amazing. This was a particularly hard one to get photos of as its so dark but it really is stunning.
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Saturday, 11 September 2010
I'm starting to think in purple. Just so yer know. Frankie blogged as she went along and my comments come with hindsight from watching the whole show. This really was a cracker. Waay better than a Cream Cracker; definitely a Tuc at least. It feels like the show has gone back to basics - but the basics are better. And that it's the dawn of a new Strictly era.
Group pro number
OOH she's got the big guns again this year! Wow, I guess being tall means she gets all the big men and there are no bean-poles like Chris Parker this year.
Hey, this could work. He's a gymnast, she's wee, could be perfect. Matt is proving to be value for money, what with his promise to be incredibly cheesy and taking his partner out mud-samba-ing.
This might give Aliona a bit more of a go than last year. Wondering whether the Bad Girl of Ballroom persona will come fully into fruition this season, or last series' illegal lift was a minor blip. This couple look like what the Bennetts would look like if you stretched them.
Flashback! Flashback! Last time she had a goalie (called Peter) Erin (aka Evil Genius) achieved nothing more than subjecting the general public to a veery odd kind of shoulder shimmy. It was sort of a shimmy. Gone very, very wrong. It's possible we should expect similar things of this partnership. Natalie 1 Erin 0.
The new Louisa and Vincent. Love them like cupcakes.
Frankie, how come you object to women in dresses with two sleeves, yet you claim a dress with one is the 'best costume'? You are a complex creature. And to think, I actually deliberately counted the sleeves on the ladycelebs' dresses tonight for you. 5, if you're wondering.
Woo, man with rhythm for Flavia! Get to it girl, we will forgive you if you want to use Jai Ho again!
Alarm bells! Alarm bells! Oh no, wait...it's J.I.M.I. not J.I.M.M.Y.; it's 2010, not 2007; and no one looks as though they're about to pop their cuban heels on the dancefloor (though let's try and speak to Ola after half an hour's training...) This guy can mooove. Without seeing any training footage or anything yet, these two are starting off as my favourites. Yes, Flavia will be kicking herself she wasted the Jai Ho! tango on Craig, but there's the whole soundtrack to Bombay Dreams to work through. What? Don't remember it? Fair point.
Lowe is in another league altogether. She has the power of Newberry, Hannah and
For yes, for Lowe clearly likes to win; she has a look of steely determination (no, you can’t read her Paso face...) And yes, we can exclusively reveal, that like Erin, our old Antipodean friend, is a genius super-spy a la James Bond only evil and a woman. So not really like him but that’s as far as my spy references go.( No I’ve never seen a James Bond movie. DEAL WITH IT.) Where Erin is Machiavellian, Lowe is a bulldozer, she’s so old-school (some say, trained by Stalin himself) At Erin’s every attempt at thwarting her chances, Lowe and her partner could be heard rallying the cries of POWER THROUGH IT! POWER THROUGH IT! POWER THROUGH IT! (It could be heard clearly as far as Dunstable – and there were even reports of tremors as far north as Watford. ) And that they did. They powered through to the semis. When Erin managed to disguise herself as a photographer and hassle Whittle enough to lead to assault, she’d done enough to set public opinion against him and ruin any chance he had of claiming the glitterball. But it had taken too long this time – Lowe had already made an impression on The General Public™ - some even liked her. And that is where we stand now, my friends: Natalie Lowe, super genius, but more over, survivor. How the battle will play out this series, nobody knows. But Erin Boag is proving herself undefeatable, surviving a mass cull of latin pros as well as dealing with the battle with Lowe. Our money’s on her.
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
So the old bird fimally caved then, who's ready for a week one rumba? I also feel the BBC may have made a blunder here with axing both Darren and Matthew, the nice-as-pie-grin-and-bear-it dancers who can be lovely to a duffer and not threaten to break their legs. I feel we shouldn't mock too much, apparently she is a proper fan of the show, but my disappointment at the lack of Lembit Opik will continue for a long time. She is no cheeky girl.
Do I need to start apologising for my earlier comment calling her...shh, I'll spell it out U.G.L.Y. (she ain't got no alibi) ? She's really kind of, yer know, famous and this is quite a rarity in the Strictlyverse of late. So oil painting or non, she's a catch as far as I'm concerned. Mwah.
From one end of the scale to the other! She's like from America and everything, the show will be as excited as when the GIs came over during the War and start asking her for nylons or something. She's obviously not going to be completely inept, but she'll have to make sure she's endearing or no one is going to warm to her. Speaking of warm, why didn't she go on DWTS and spend her winter in sunny LA rather than braving cold, frosty London?!
Also known as the-one-what's-not-Beyonce. Is she famous enough for DWTS? I agree with Frankie that perhaps she may find it tricky to win over us sceptical (aka cold-hearted, miserable, cynical) Brits. Having said that, I should imagine she's a decent dancer anyway so the judges won't let her go too soon. Give her to Anton, though, and she's already screwed.
The first of our soap starlets, there's always got to be a few, but it has been quite a while since she left the show. No panto bookings this year then? Not sure what to make of this one, she could be D-U-double-L or cute and relateable.
Meh. Kinda. At least I didn't have to Google her.
Over on 'the other side' we have an current member of the Eastenders cast, wow, is Jack Branning going to have a mystery holiday or spell 'inside' in a few weeks? This is the mum's favourite to me this year; quite sexy but also a normal bloke. For all we know he could go far in a Darren Gough/Matt Dawson type way.
OK, OK, so I did have to Google him. And now I've forgotten again so I'm actually multitasking and ReGoogling right. at. this. precise. moment. (BRB) Ohhhh, he was/is in The Bill. Or was/is in Eastenders. Or both? Ach well, I means, we needs these types so I'm OK with it. Frankie's right, the mams will like him.
Didn't we have this as a massive rumour last year? Ah Strictly deja-vu, gotta love it. I feel she beats Tina in the soap hottie stakes, plus she has always been a bit perma-tanned so it seems meant to be.
Will the papers go la crazy on her due to PREVIOUS BALLROOM/LATIN EXPERIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? I think I'll let her off. One samba (was it a samba?) on Sports Relief does not constitute enough to warrant a riot (though, like The Kaiser Chiefs, I do predict one...) However, we do already kinda know she's kinda good. So she could be high on the bookies' list of faves. Meh.
And speaking of perma-tanned...we have an orange sportsman, this man was made for Strictly! He's 28, which is practially a sequinned spring chicken considering the drought of men under 30 in the last few series, so hopefully that will bring the teenage girls in. When I saw this I thought 'oooh a sportsman I've heard of!' but then realised it's just the Charolotte Church connection, we shall see where the loyalties of Wales lie. Oh it would have been so much fun if they'd both gone on....
Poor guy, yes, definitely more famous for his wife than his sport. But then, woo, we've heard of him and... he's ...wait-for-it NOT OLD ! Double whammy. I would love for him to embrace the whole sequinned and Swarovki-ed experience and he may well just do that. Famously, erm, vain...costumes a la Julian Clary would be a treat. Though a tad unlikely.
Used to play in goal for England apparently, I did vaguely remember the name from somewhere. I'm trying to think of a cheesy football-related joke Brucie-style, but I'll leave that to the old pro himself.
Who? Oh yeah, football. But does fall under the category from earlier seasons I do so so love: highlyrespectedinchosencareer, which is the ideal prerequisite for the partakence in Strictly. And I do so love a sportsman to do well. It's the only way I remember who they are.
I know I'll be beaten with glittering sticks if I say it's Gethin Jones all over again, but it is the obvious comparison. With his gymnastics background I'm hoping he gets a teeny weeny little partner so they can do some crazy moves. With sticky back plastic.
Someone's been doing her research. Gymnastics? Nice one. I want to see the splits. And I ain't going home until he does 'em.
Speaking of deja-vu, anyone else having Cheri Lunghi flashbacks? Might as well just put her with James Jordan and be done with it. And I will bet my prized silver sparkly shoes that she only wears dresses with long sleeves for the enitre time she is on the show. Be prepared for my 'sleeeeeeeves?!' ranting once more.
She's twee. I loooove her. And she's not Cheri Lunghi. She's better than Cheri Lunghi for the very reason that I didn't have to Google her. So ner. And she might have good upper arms, Frankie; she might have the upper arms of Jennifer Aniston...yoooou don't know.
I thought this was a joke, I really did. But oh god I'm happy about it now! A totally random signing that could give us some real fun this series, do we think he knows what he is letting himself in for? The BBC love him since they discovered he could put on a suit and wave around to fancy music, maybe they think that will translate well here!
Could be a diamond in the rough, here. I mean, he's a DJ, recording artist what'avya, he's bound to have a little musicality, (pleeeease). If I were his dance partner though, I'd be scared of being blinded by his teeth. Erin may use them to transmit gamma rays. His actual name is Clifford.
We have seen him dance in The Guru. Can Bollywood transform itself into Ballroom? He seems like a tall sort of man. I'm not sure who the tall girls are these days so who knows who he'll get...
He might have been in proper movies, like, but he's still the doctor out of 'Enders isn't he really? Wonder if he'll bring a little (East is) Eastern Promise to his performance (Ohh, I just couldn't help myself...)
And just when you thought it couldn't get weirder, but at least it's not Russell Grant! Did anyone even hear this as a rumour? Did the BBC just have him in the back of a cupboard somewhere? He is only 5'4 after all, maybe he was under a desk. Oh yeah and he's 72, that's 10 years older than Widdecombe! Ageism? Methinks you doth protest too much BBC!
72! And weird! Nice one. Kind of reminds me of Saturday night TV as a kid. All in all, I'm just thanking my lucky stars (perhaps Monsieur Grant had something to do with it?) that Debbie McGee is not involved.
Oh to be someone's wife, then you get to go on TV. I was rather surprised by this, but not in an 'oooh I'm excited' way, just in a 'huh?' way. I guess she can psycho-analyse all the contestants and maybe even suss out that Evil Genius Erin.
How IS Erin still on the show? I mean, Karen gone, Camilla gone, Lilia gone...yada yada yooo. You know, good on her an' all but it is in-ex-plic-able. But back to the point. Yes, does this mean that we get Billy Connolly in the audience? And if that is the case, does it mean he will dye his beard pink for the occasion?
I don't know what happened, but her name wasn't in the press release I saw. But I saw a photo of her in a sparkly frock so she's either in it or gone totally insane!
Perhaps she was gate-crashing. Perhaps she just likes turning up places in fancy frocks. Perhaps she sneaks pictures of herself into random stacks of photos. Um, I-thinks-probably the most likely explanation is that she's our number 14. Well, she's just on the right side of celeb.
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This is a good. line. up, people. Every single one of these people is, as I mentioned earlier, highlyrespectedinchosencareer (going all Germanic with me compounds today...) We have no squillions of Hollyoaks actors or owt like that. This is a classy set of people, if not individually, then certainly as a group. This is back to the old days when the celebs actually were more famous than the pros. When we didn't really know who Karen Hardy was, what Brendan likes for breakfast and the name of Darren's auntie's pet giraffe. Perhaps this is just what we need.